I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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