My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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