I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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