Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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