I bet he comes in French.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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