connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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