Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
