There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
