Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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