Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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