He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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