She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
