I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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