she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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