I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
