Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
