she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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