i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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