you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
