I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
