don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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