come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
