Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I sprained my soul last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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