I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize