i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
