Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize