i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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