Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
