hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
