You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
