I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
