All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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