yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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