I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
