The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
