U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
