Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
