thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it because I queefed?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
