I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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