I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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