The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
