Pappa wants mamma naked
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
