Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
