Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
