Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
