At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
