Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
