mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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