but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
