it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
