my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
