A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize