New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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