Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Me too!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
