I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
