No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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