so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she peed on how many people?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
