You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
