I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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