Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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