Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
