i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
