Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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