Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
