if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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