there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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