Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
