Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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