im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
